Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize