Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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