oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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