I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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