hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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