Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
