I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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