Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
