you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
