Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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