If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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