she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
