i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
