I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
