Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
