I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
