I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
