I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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