i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
