Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
