Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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