Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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