I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
