did you get engaged???
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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