i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
