I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
