Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
