brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
