Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
