i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
