Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Pooping to opera.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
