I accidentally had phone sex last night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
