weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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