you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
