Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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