Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
