How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
