Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
