we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
