Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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