New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How does it feel to date your dad?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
