6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
