You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
