Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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