ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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