I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
