Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
