Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
