I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
