Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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