Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
