dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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