The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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