My brain says no but my pants say off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
