dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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