plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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