Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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