Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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