My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
