I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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