Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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