dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
