The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
