i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was confusing and full of hummus
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
