i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
