Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
