it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
