So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
