i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
