she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.