So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend