This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight