I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash