At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going