I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation