My room smells like vodka and shame
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.