just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.