I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
