nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
