she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
