But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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