gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
