i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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