the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
