fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
