Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
