i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
