OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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