I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
