Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
