just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
