Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
