im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
